The past weekend was a busy one. As I had mentioned before Thursday nite I hung out with Kimberly. Friday nite we went out for my cousin Olivia’s birthday to the Tuscan Bistro then off to the Comedy Club. It was a fun nite. Robert Hawkins was hilarious. Saturday was an awesome day. I went first of with my bro justin to the Michigan game against Indiana, GO BLUE they one! After I went back home then off to MSU for the double birthday bash! It was sweet we had the grab bag with the scrub shirts in it. My pick was a purple Leaps and Bounds shirt, awesome thats all i hafta say! Click here to see the pictures of the weekend It was an awesome and fun nite. The pictures tell no lies! Sunday I came home and then went out with Kimberly again to the Rochester mall and then off to the Cider Mill. I was so completely out of it on Sunday, but I had a really good time. Sunday nite I took Rachel back up to Eastern and just chilled round there. Monday morn I came back home and spent half the day running around from mall to mall looking for posters for our apartment. It was the greatest thing when i found all the ones I wanted. As for the other half of the day I worked and took care of little things at work. Later last nite I went to Rob’s house and we went to his friend’s house and just watched television. I’ve been so busy lately, and I’ll soon be getting ready to go back to school this weekend. Life is so hectic right now, soon enough though it should calm down…as for now I’m outtie!! Ciao!
Archive: September 2003
Starting last nite (in my books) my weekend has alread been great. As I had mentioned before Kimberly was coming home from school for the weekend and we got to meet the 1st time last nite. We had a great time and great nite. Hehe. As for today the last full day of work and then tonite going out to eat and to the comedy club for my cousin Olivia’s birthday!! It should be really fun. Saturday is looking to be one of the greatest! Starting in the morning I’ll be going to the Michigan football game with my bro. Hell yeah GO BLUE!! Then later that nite i’ll be going up to State for the infamous Birthday Bash, and oh this one’s not like any of the other ones, this one’s a double birthday bash for Dan and Neil. Slogan for the party: “GET USED- Come to the Thrift Store Party”. Gotta love that! It’s gonna be an awesome day oh man i can’t wait!!! Then Sunday morning and afternoon I’ll be going shoppin and hanging out with Kimberly, hehe the weekend never stops. As for later Sunday nite, just time to relax and chill. For the next week I’ll be working on getting ready to move back up to school for that the monday after that will be class!! UGH!! yeah it’s back once again. Year 3. Can ya believe it? Ahh well that’s life and I’m sure as hell loving it! I’ll be back at the end of the weekend with pictures for all to see, especially with the double birthday bash! Hell ya, can’t wait for this all to go down, Ciao!
Today isn’t exactly the easiest of days. Our dog, Terra, had to be put down today due to the many complications in old age. Ever since I was little I loved dalmatians and 101 Dalmatians was my friend movie, I could watch it over and over again. I was only 5 at the time, but I had dalmatian everything! That year for Christmas I had gotten one of the greatest gifts in the world, a real dalmatian puppy, Terra. I cherished her and love her so much, you could only imagine the look in my eyes the first time I seen her. I can remember the many many wonderful times I had with her, playing in the backyard, tug-o-war with my old socks, and at the saddest of times when you don’t want to talk or see anyone, she was there. She lived a wonderful long life of 15 years and she’s grown up with me, she was a part of my family. It’s hard losing a her. Ya know how they say dogs can sense your emotions and they feel for you? Well she was always there. And I, myself could feel for her, and I know that this was the best thing to do, she was in so much pain and suffering it was only fair to her for us to let her go. And we all know that all dogs go to heaven, where she’ll forever be. Love ya Terra, you’ll never be forgotten……
So as I had meantioned before last Friday nite I went to Club Bleu. It was pretty tight, my boy Robby sure knows how to DJ and mix it up. He has a new CD out, its sweet. Goto www.313soundlabs.com to hear a few track he’s produced, let me know what ya think! It was cool cuz we had VIP and I was able to get any drink I wanted, heh even though I’m not dub one. Good shit. Saturday was a sad sad day, *tear*, U of M sadly lost their football game to Oregon in one of the greatest football games I ever watched. They were so close to winning, but just couldn’t pull it off. Saturday nite I went to Nikki’s house(she was home from school) along with a bunch of other people that were also home for the weekend. Also that nite they were all telling me that it’s impossible to eat 6 saltine crackers in a minute, AKA the saltine challenge. Unfortuneately we didn’t have and saltines, and if you knew me, I love saltine crackers. So on Sunday, some random time in the day I decided to take the challenge and I video’d it!! I did it! Ha it’s on the web too, just goto this link here to download the video, ha. Watch, Laugh, Smile! I’m proud of it, lol. As for the rest of the day Sunday I just layed round watching football. Oh I made a graphic for happygrl4 so click here to see her!! I love makin those graphics so if anyone’s interested, let me know and you can email me some pictures and I’ll see what I can do! Yesterday I worked a long day, 10 hours, because I have a lot to take care of this week, b/c its my last week before I get ready to go back to school, ahh its back it again! After work I did a lot of lil things here and there, watched Anger Management, good movie, love the ending! Oh and I got to talk to Kimberly (happygrl4) on the phone which I enjoyed much 🙂 As for today work, is really the only definite thing on my schedule, but prolly some web design or something later 2nite. We’ll see where the nite leads me. Also congrats to Marc (sweetguy4u) and Lisa (fitchsweetie) on their new cookie they just made (new relationship). I hope the best for them and I think they’re gonna be so good together. Best of luck to ya guys!! Oh la la, I love cookie dough! I wanna bake a cookie too!! LOL ayite then I’m out back to my lovely day at work, thanks Kim for starting it off on a lighter note!
After a long drive home from work, I get home and I see that my grandparents are here. (Because my parents are in Vegas for the weekend) I walk into my house and the sweet aroma of my grandma’s cooking filled my nose, mmm, it smelled so good. She was making her amazingly delicious spaghetti and meatballs. Oh man was it ever good. And my grandpa is the funniest!! LOL While we’re eating dinner constantly, you’ll hear “Monja!, Monja!”. He’ll try to get you to eat everything on the table. I love my family. Only in an Italian family, lol. The greatest family in the world! Im very thankful and grateful for being blessed with such a beautiful family. LOL our lil new kitten keeps battin at my fingers while I type this, LOL she’s sitting at the top of my keyboard. Hehe. Ayite time to nap for a lil bit before I go out to the club. God Bless us all. Arrivederci!!
Well work this week has been extremely busy and I’ve been doing a lot b/c next week is my last week and back to good ol’ Kettering. As for 2nite I’m going to Club Bleu with some friends. My boy DJ Robby’s going to be mixin it up so I know it’ll be good. Oh and just if your wondering where Club Bleu is, its in the D. If you’ve seen the new Obie Trice music video “Got Some Teeth” thats the club, oh oh, also in the song he’s in a VIP room, you can just picture me there, lol, cuz that’s where I’ll be, I’m sure its going to be a blast. As for the rest of the weekend…Saturday is college football day, Michigan plays Oregon, go blue!! State plays Notre Dame, go green! But the game the matters the most is the Wolverines. Other than that nothing much has been happening out of the ordinary, my parents are in Vegas for the weekend. Also I’ve noticed everyone’s considering on switch journals over to greatest journal. I have an account click here, its the same as this one but I’m not sure if I’m going to make the complete rollover. Let me know what all y’all are doing. Other than that things have been busy as usual. I did make a new friend yesterday, happygrl4. She seems really awesome. We’re planning on hanging out next weekend, movies or sumptin. Oh also the website I was working on for my parents place up in Port Austin is up. WindyHill.com Let me know what ya think about it. As for now I still have quite a lot of things I have to take care of here at work so til later, take care. Ciao!
Ok I had to make entry for friends only b/c well if the wrong people seen this it could get ugly. I had date this girl (Sarah) for 2 years and our relationship just came to a screeching halt and for the first time I’m going to share as much as possible what happened. Granted this isn’t everything, but hopefully enough for you to make some conclusions about what happened.
Now I never really worded out what happen when we parted so let me give you some background information about what happen in our relationship so that you’ll understand this convo better. First of we dated for a mere 2 solid years and yeah we did have the occasional problems, but for the most part we both we’re really happy, or so I thought. So this is last February, the day before V-Day to be exact, she went out with her friends and met some guy whom she exchanged numbers with. On V-Day night he calls her to hang out, and sure enough I got upset about it and she got all mad at me b/c she said he was just being friendly. So ok that was kinda the start of the bullshit. Bout a month later she was having some family issues, and since it was St. Patty’s day and all I went out and got her green Kool-Aid, Green M&M’s and a card telling that everything’s going to be alright and that I’m there for her. So I went of her house and held her in my arms all night. At this point I’m thinking that our relationship is strong and mostly happy.
Well the next day rolls around and I called her on my way home from work to talk and she’s like I can’t talk I’m at a hockey game, I’ll call u at 9. So I’m like ok thats fine talk to ya later. So now at home playin around on my computer 10pm rolls around and no call, hmm. She signs online. I IM her, hey thought u were going to call me?, and she returns “I can’t….also I don’t think its working out anymore”, me all confused as hell, she’s breaking up with me online? after 2 years? so I’m like whoa whoa whoa we need to talk!! she’s like I can’t I got homework and signs off. So me all lost calls her up to talk, teary eyed and all and she’s like
“I told you not to call me I”m busy!”
me-“we need to talk I’m so confused!”
her-“stop crying your such a 19year old baby”
me-“i’m so sorry but nothing’s making sense and we need to talk”
so I gave her the benefit of the doubt as hard is it maybe and let her be that nite and called her the next day to talk. she refused and got all pissy and mean and EXTREMELY cold to me. oh man was I so hurt, i’ve never felt so much pain before. So for the next week and a half i periodically tried calling her to talk, and she just kept blowing me off. Keep in mind, she broke it off online, refuse even a phone conversation let alone a confrontation, after 2 fucking years!! Oh and I did find out that she was fooling around with another guy just days after she broke it off. So yeah 2 weeks now and prolly the roughest 2 weeks of my life I finally talked to her on the phone, granted only 20 minutes, but it was better than nothing. And she said comments such as, “there is no such thing as me and you anymore”, “there is no anthony and sarah”, “i don’t love you”, “leave me alone”, and “its over, stop bothering me, forget about me” and from that moment forward I did. As hard is it was to me and my heart I let my feelings for her fade, I mean how could they not after the way she’s treated me?! So a month goes by and she starts calling me asking why I haven’t tried to call her or hang out and I reminded her about what she said, yet she denied it.
UGH THE FUCKING GAMES!! she was playing with my head so much and if u knew me I never ever yell know matter the situation, yet this became the exception and i just blew up at her on the phone then just hung up, you shoulda seen me after i hung up, I was in my apartment room on my bed, fists clamped extremely tight, heart racing a million beats a minute, my head and heart aching, and tears falling down my face. I never expected love to be so harsh. Now its been random but she still tries to get a hold of me to hang out and stuff, but with all the BS and stress she put me through it just isn’t that easy. She never did think she did anything wrong, she did apologize for breaking up, but not for how she did it. To this day she still thinks she never really did anything wrong, even though I tend to disagree, but am I wrong? She left me a few emails about how I’m such a great guy and that I never did anything wrong and how bad she just wants me to be in her life….as friends. It’s just not that easy for me. And after all the things she’s said and done how do I have trust in her? I never really got any closure and so I spent a good amount of time and composed a music video expressing how I felt and what she put me through and potential perseverence. I know I post a link to download the video below, it’s not there anymore, but it is relocated. Click this link here to download the music video I created. So now we’re up to today, I’m obviously much better than those times and my feelings for her have almost completely faded, if not. Now don’t get me wrong I do care for her and I don’t wish for bad things upon her, but I can’t just go and be buddy buddy friends after all the lies and games she played with me and having her think what she is doing is right, when i disagree.
And then 2nite she IM’s me with this convo which I find all BS b/c she told me numerous times she loved me and how she wanted to be with me forever and now she’s telling me that she thought she loved me? so does that mean the past 2 years have been full of lies? I just don’t know what to believe about her anymore. See I don’t want her back at all b/c I could never trust her like I did and if you knew some of the other things I found out about her that I’d rather not say, I just don’t have the respect for her. And yet then she comes to me with this…how was she expecting me to react to it? Ughh she’s full of digust. Ya know I’ve never really ignored or pushed away anyone in my life, its just not in me, but with her I just can’t help it. Now I know this is all being heard from my side and yet I tried to make it somewhat nuetral about what happened. I’m just curious though is it wrong for me to push her away like I am and not wanting to talk or hang out with her? Am I wrong? Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m the stubborn one with the problems. I dunno…. anyways here’s the convo we had earlier today, please let me hear what you have to say about this., thanks so ayite so la la la I’m just working on a few websites and stuff and bbbringggg, an instant message pops up from the infamous EX. Here’s the convo:
the EX (8:52:27 PM): i was just reading ur journal and i realized something
SuperSexyNino (8:52:48 PM): yeah………
the EX (8:52:54 PM): there was a major difference between us that made it not work out –
the EX (8:53:16 PM): you were ready to find someone to be with for the rest of your life
SuperSexyNino (8:53:17 PM): whatya mean
the EX (8:53:18 PM): i wasnt
the EX (8:53:44 PM): i was 15 when i met u
SuperSexyNino (8:53:51 PM): hey what the hell do u do with my old license?
the EX (8:54:00 PM): not even thinking about marriage
the EX (8:54:12 PM): and i think the age difference though small made a difference
SuperSexyNino (8:54:16 PM): i wasnt thinkin bout marriage
the EX (8:54:23 PM): u were just started college when i was barely starting high school
SuperSexyNino (8:54:40 PM): ya know how u had my old license?
the EX (8:54:44 PM): yeah
SuperSexyNino (8:54:45 PM): what did u do with it?
the EX (8:54:54 PM): well i gave it to matt najor to get into a club with
the EX (8:54:56 PM): y?
SuperSexyNino (8:55:13 PM): do u know what he may have done with it?
the EX (8:55:18 PM): no whyh
SuperSexyNino (8:55:53 PM): cuz I just got it from “somewhere” they mailed it to me and said someone with a lot of piercings was trying to use this and they took it and mailed it to me
SuperSexyNino (8:56:13 PM): a store
the EX (8:56:45 PM): anyways back to what i was saying before
the EX (8:57:12 PM): thinking about where i am now in my life and where i was when we were dating it is completely different
SuperSexyNino (9:01:54 PM): u haven’t fooled with one guy since we parted?
the EX (9:02:08 PM): no but that was like 7 months ago
the EX (9:02:33 PM): and its not like im giving every single guy i meet head
the EX (9:02:37 PM): or having sex with them
SuperSexyNino (9:03:08 PM): ok fine
the EX (9:03:27 PM): just because u havent doesnt mean im bad
SuperSexyNino (9:03:50 PM): did i say that?
the EX (9:04:03 PM): no im jsut saying i hate what u think of me right now
the EX (9:04:05 PM): i hate it
the EX (9:04:32 PM): what do u think of me anyways?
SuperSexyNino (9:04:33 PM): u have no clue
the EX (9:04:48 PM): i seriousloy dont think bad of u at all
the EX (9:04:56 PM): i think of u the same as when we were going out
SuperSexyNino (9:05:06 PM): pshht yeah i believe that
the EX (9:05:21 PM): y do u say that
SuperSexyNino (9:05:42 PM): cuz if u did then we’d still be dating
the EX (9:06:09 PM): no i dont love u, but i dont think ANYTHING bad of you… if just was not meant to be
the EX (9:06:44 PM): thats why i fucking try so hard to keep u in my life
SuperSexyNino (9:06:51 PM): ok
the EX (9:07:10 PM): because we shared two years of our lives together and i cant just forget about all that time
the EX (9:08:07 PM): i guess i jsut wish things were different
SuperSexyNino (9:08:11 PM): i don’t know what to believe anymore cuz u lie
the EX (9:08:16 PM): how do i lie?
the EX (9:08:20 PM): what r u talking about?
SuperSexyNino (9:09:06 PM): like all the BS u werent looking for someone to be with forever, so what was all that things u told me about u loving me forever and stuff
the EX (9:09:18 PM): i thought i was in love
SuperSexyNino (9:09:19 PM): i don’t care bout it anymore, but just the fact that yur tellin me u were
the EX (9:09:23 PM): i really did
SuperSexyNino (9:09:35 PM): u make no sense
the EX (9:09:36 PM): but i dont know now
the EX (9:10:47 PM): i thought i was in love but i was 16, i didnt know what love was
the EX (9:11:52 PM): i just want u in my life so bad
SuperSexyNino (9:12:07 PM): we’ll see
the EX (9:12:18 PM): if u tell me it’ll never happen i guess ill give up, but im still hoping somehow we can be civil
the EX (9:12:29 PM): im hoping somehow u can be ok with me again
SuperSexyNino (9:12:37 PM): soon enough maybe
the EX (9:12:43 PM): whats that supposed to mean
SuperSexyNino (9:14:23 PM): as hard as it maybe to hear this, i just can’t be buddy buddy friends
SuperSexyNino (9:14:31 PM): but maybe eventually
the EX (9:15:50 PM): well i guess ill b talkin to u whenever then
SuperSexyNino (9:15:59 PM): ok
SuperSexyNino (9:16:01 PM): ciao
Ayite last nite was the conclusion of the of so favorite OC, well for the summer. By far one of the greatest TV shows I’ve ever watched, lol I get so into it!! Anyways last nite was one of the most intense and suspenseful shows ever. And grr now I have to wait 6 damn weeks to see it again?! What am I going to do with myself? I’m glad that Marissa got to see Luke’s true colors and oh the chemistry between Marissa and Ryan is just overflowing. When there were by the snack machine, damn I just wanted them to kiss!!! And now with the fate of Marissa and her huge mistake he may never get the chance. Oh and between Summer and Seth, hmm seems to be heating up a bit, who knows. And just to think that I have to wait a gruesome 6 weeks for the continuation of this show and to find the outcome of all that is going on? FOX, damn it, you kill me! But thats good for them cause at the very least they got one kid addicted to that show. Starting in October the fall season will be at 9pm on Thursday nights. Whoa this show is awesome and now to forget every damn girl even the mothers are hot! And the comedy and the stories, and the characters, damn such a good show, lol I’m crazy!! ayite then I’m out OH B.T.W just wanted to let y’all know southernblonde is declared my OC Babe. I don’t really know anyone else whom enjoys the show as much as I do and it’s I’m glad I have her to talk to about it, thanks OC Babe. lol. (Click here to see the newest graphix I created of her, a true beauty eh?)
As for other things…this weekend I’m planning on going to Club Bleu where my boy DJ Robby will be live and in the mix. That’ll be a blast, chillin in the VIP Lounge and all. Other than that nothing really is planned thats the gist of things. Oh and also I’ve been working on a website for my parents place up north. It’s coming out cool so far. Unfortuneatly the servers’ been down the past couple of days so it isn’t viewable, but I guess check back periodically to see if its up. Later y’all, ciao!
A while back I remember hearing this song and somehow I stumbled upon it again. Click here to download it and read the lyrics
I like it, I think there is someone out there for me, tell me what you think about it.
Ok where do I start……….I’ve been laying here for the past hour or so with more than I can handle running through my head. From school to my future to love, there’s so much I want, so much I don’t have, and so much that is expected of me. Well first off I was thinking about what I wanna be and where I wanna be say 5 years from now (not far at all) and when I think about it I have ambitions, but there’s no certain that they will be fulfilled or exactly if I may lead down a path I’m not expecting. Like ok I love the web design and stuff like that and pursuing a career in it? Maybe? But what’s holding me back from the dedication to that? Well my education at Kettering that is. And its $25,000 a year it cost me to attend that school. Am I doing the right thing? Cuz ya know isn’t that what yur suppose to do after high school? College right? Well that’s where I am, and see I know of the creditials and what it means to get a degree from Kettering, and pricely that’s why I’m there. But see what if I should be doing something right now such as pursuing my business more, and one day will I be able to make a living off of it? I haven’t the darndess clue. And see it’s like everyone is like “Oh Anthony your such a smart and bright student your going to go far in life, I just know it”, but really how would they? OK a may know a few things but what says I”ll be successful? I could just be the average Joe in the cubicle working 9-5 everyday from here on out on a $50,000 salary. Yeah granted it, it would be nice to become the successful one and have all the luxuries, and I’m taking it as it goes, trying to keep myself focused and orientated, I know it’s not going to be easy, but I really hope to pull through. And fuck see then I think about the bills I already have and the difficulties and struggles I go through right now in paying them off. And then I get a bill in the mail from my bank from insufficent funds do to someone not cashing a check I wrote like 4 months ago, that really messed me up, so there goes $99.50 to that. With school yeah education is the way to go, but is it really for everyone? If ya look all the famous people are successful and what education, now I’m not saying all famous people, but I could say most. Oh and it’s like things never end. I’m trying to get a loan again for my school and oh is that a joke like anything would be any harder. Grr I know I have a lot of complaining and things going through my head right now so if you’d rather not read any further I understand. So yeah schools just putting me further and further in debt and when I graduate what makes it so certain that I will make the money I need to pay something off like that, can’t rely on the stats of the grads from that school even though they are very exceptional. With work thats just nuts too, problems and projects never stop for me. From setting up new users on the network to changing ports and network locations, managing system failures and hardware issues, answering phone calls and other technical issues, distributing new sales letters, and all at the same time publish, design and create a newsletter. I can’t do it all. I’m running all over the place doing this and that. I’m only one, sometimes I feel like people expect more out of me than I can offer and never seem to be able to tell someone no I won’t help you or no I can’t do that. I want to be there for people, and as hard as it maybe sometimes I try my best. And then when I get home from my long hours of work I don’t want to do nothing but peruse around the internet when I should be designing websites for my business or doing my bills and balancing my check book. Stuff never ends, grr. Thats one of the things I love about the weekend, I don’t have much of a care in the world and just try to enjoy myself, even though at the same time through all this I wish I had someone, someone special who’d see me as their close friend, their confidant, their love. Like when I heard that my friend from high school, Jenny, was engaged at the same time I was very happy for her and yet jealous. I know there is a lot of fish in the sea, but I wish I woulda reeled in the right one. I want someone next to me someone I can confide in and look at with never ending love. When will that happen. I guess at times like these where I sit here by myself with no one, no one at all I feel lonely. And at times like these I wish I could hold/be hold by someone with so much love that we can just lay there and fall asleep smiling because we make each other so happy. I dunno when anything like that will happen soon, but we’ll see. But now all I can think about is work, upcoming school, my future, what will I be? where? with who? am I making the right decisions? am I worrying to much? I dunno, if I am then ok, but I can’t just let things slide or just let them be, I don’t want to slip and make a mistake I’ll regret, I’ve yet to really regret anything I’ve ever done, and I’m proud to say that. I love love and the feelings it puts on me. There’s so many people out there and I’m sure deep down inside they have similar thoughts like these. And yet I’m sure they all wish for the best for themselves. Ughh and damn it I try so damn hard at somethings such as Calculus. What the hell is it going to take for me to pass through those courses. I’ve failed now 3 times and it hurts, I still keep my focus and really try, but damn it, it’s never easy to me. So yeah now I’m taking an astounding 20 credits this upcoming semester and it’ll be a full load. Also I’m planning on doing some working design computer infrastructures part time while at school. It’s going to be rough and I’m going to try my best and I guess do what I can. I really need this money right now. Right now I really think I need a vacation, not alone yet with someone special whom we can cherish each other and enjoy it together. I know when my relationship ended with Sarah, it may have been for the better, cuz now I have more time to focus on my career and find my place on this earth. I’m over her don’t think I’m thinking about her like that, we had a wonderful time while it lasted, but its over. It’s like I never really had much luck with the girls and I do wonder if I ever will. I’m scared and a bit insecure, I’ll admit it, but when the “right” one does come along I think all that will definitely change. I am sick and tired tho of all the games and bullshit that girls have put me through and I just want to find the one who will let me be me and love me for who I am. I know I’m not the perfectist person and yeah I know I got some work to do on my body, but damn it, I can only do so much. I’m gonna try to upbeat my workout schedule when we get back to school. I just hope that someone will look at me in love and want to be with me. I believe tho that there is someone out there whom will fulfill me and show me what it truely means to happily love forever. So yeah I guess I just bored the hell out of ya if you’ve already read down to here, but I’ve just been laying here and couldn’t sleep so thought that it would relieve me to write, cuz it always seems to be theraputic to me. I know I got pretty personal with this above, but I really felt like expressing my feelings and I guess those are them, I’m not too sure if they came out like I wanted, but it is what it is I guess. I’m much more relaxed than the way I was earlier, heh, if only you could felt the beat of my heart, it was definitely racing. Ya know my thinking is definitely out there, and many things go through my head in ways I don’t think many if not most people. Dunno if that’s good or bad, but its just me. I know I’m a different breed or just out there, but I’m happy with the kind of person who I am and I guess at the very least I hope I’m respected, thats all. Okay I think it’s time I do get some sleep and getting ready to get back into the real world, cuz even though all these thoughts may seem like I’m thinking to hard I guess welcome to this real world, cuz that’s what it is, it’s harsh. Thank you if you’ve honestly and truthful read all my thoughts, b/c it really does mean a lot to me, a lot more than you think. Know that someone cares to read through all this and not just skim it makes me know that atleast someone truly cares. Thanks again and good nite. I will conquer all my fears and worrys I know I’m strong. Hehe ok you must think I’m crazy, good nite once again, good nite