Another weekend has transpired, I’m still sitting here, doing nearly the same thing as always. I really need to figure “it” all out. There is so much that needs to be done, I know this, but it’s going to take time, and effort, a lot of effort.
There are times in my life, especially, times like now, that you just can’t plan, or control. I think I’ve realized this more than ever; that you truly can’t have a complete hold on life. You can only deal with what comes, and make the absolute best moment of it. As much fun as it can be to be single, its madly lonely. I guess I never see myself as a single type of guy. I love having a companion, a best friend, and someone to love. Tonight is one of those nights where I really don’t want to do anything, but lay in bed and talk (and make love) until we fall asleep. Just open conversation up to things beyond imaginable, to dream. No lights, except maybe the semi-luminescence of a digital alarm clock on our faces, just enough light to make out the unique facial characteristics of each other that we both love. To hear each other’s voices and thoughts through our ears to the silent backdrop of a ceiling fan. Under heavy covers, skin touching, smiling, laughing, joking, saying whatever comes to mind. Kissing, feeling lush lips embrace, then pulling apart and doing it all over again, just to feel the lips again, to remind yourself that this isn’t a dream, the physical feelings are real. Just to fall asleep to the breathing and body warmth of another, in a complete relaxed environment, mind, body, and soul. I don’t know when a night like this will come. It could be years for all I know, it’s probably my deepest fantasy right now. I love the commitment, as insane many may see that as?! I think it just a part of me.
Perpetual elapsing moments continue to expire so fast we sometimes forget the simple things that make us content, fulfilled, and loved, what comes and goes makes my mind ponder to distances I never knew existed and dreams in the distance seem impossible to touch, hell to even see, but I sit here day in and day out pushing my heart and soul in everything that makes me who I am, it’s only a matter of time until I find out why I’m here and who’s lives I’ll effect, just to make a small difference in this world would make me complete, imagination continues and this night isn’t getting younger, I sleep with paper, hoping my dreams will ink themselves for future verbs, this I love and this I can’t wait for, anxiety and confusion somehow go hand in hand, love is ridiculously more than four letters, its a way of life…..
You know I was thinking about this early today. As much as people influence actions you do, entertainment preferences and curiousity, it only goes so far. Regardless of how many times people tell you how you should act in a situation, or how you should say things, or what magazine tells you what to do, you can’t always apply it to everyone. It may be the “proper” or “right” way to handle things, but there’s something unique and different in all of us, that regardless how we try to act upon influences, it’s never cookie cutter, we all have something in us that makes how we do things our own. I’ll take advice again and always, but never fight to take that advice exactly. Take it as a consideration, a thought. I know that no matter how hard any of us try to be a certain way, it’s impossible to do that.
We all are our own. Don’t let that get the best of you, because the best of you is who you are. Make the best out of who you are, it’s the best way to live life. I know there are things that I have purposely not done because I thought it’d be better if I didn’t do that, for the sake of whomever I’m in the company of. Why should I? That’s not who I am. So I’m going to just be what I am and who I am. I have nothing to hide.
Just some thinking that has been lingering in my head for the past couple days. Thought I’d try to put it in words, it was a valiant effort. On a more direct, tangible side of things, here was my past weekend:
On Friday I met up with the guys at Snookers for some food and drinks. We later went up to Dave & Buster’s. Liz & I kicked ass in shuffle boards. (It’s her new hidden talent, as she so tells me) On Saturday I was up wickedly bright and early at my cousin Joann & Aaron’s house to help landscape. We had to move 20 yards of dirt, it was ridiculous, but a beautiful day to say the least. After the landscaping I went to Amanda’s Halloween party. It’s been nearly 2 months since I’ve shaved my face, and finally it’s been put to good use. I dressed up as King Leonidas from 300. Went rather well actually. The party was kick ass, had a blistering sweet time. Today was a day with the family, for my grandpa’s birthday. I love my family, seriously.
As for the upcoming future, my Halloween Barnyard Extravaganza is this weekend. It should be a really spooktacular time! I have horseshoe pits, beer pong tables, baggo, food, kegs, spiked punch, music and oh so much more. I’m excited for it!
This upcoming week of work is going to be really busy. I should be receiving my prototype for my new Facebook application. I hope to put the finishing touches on it and have it ready for release this Friday. I’ll message all of you on Facebook about it, so you can check out what I’ve been working on over the past month. I’m praying this thing works.
I should be doing some exciting things with RedPillMusic.com, but no details yet, still working on making the arrangements. Just keep in tune with the site for updates. 🙂
It is time for me to join the sun in slumber, I leave with this quote:
“Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence”